It's been almost a year since I've updated this weblog. The reason mainly being that I've been trying to cut myself from technological crutches. It started with xanga, because it was the least payed attention to, then I went about deleting my myspace and twitter pages...I lasted without facebook for a few days...but I had to return....
Because I'm addicted to the benefits. however i'm not here to rant on the evils of facebook. I'm here to...well...just kinda keep up haha. I always used xanga as a means to let my thoughts out in a unordered but well worded way. so here goes.
Finally we've reached the final quarter of the year, and in the middle of it, at that. the beginning of the year was very good for me, i revived my optimism for life, or at least found a way for myself to keep thinking that way. but somewhere i lost my way. as i look back towards summer, i seem to have kept a very happy summer...but i was also heavily drinking most of the time. when school started in the fall, i was as i was freshman year. in the dorms, new major. trying out a new life. i did well for about a month and a half, which is more than my usual fallout point. living in the dorms again has provided me with some crazy new perspectives.
i would like to introduce several subjects that i have closely been monitoring. subject x is generally happy, almost childishly, and to the extent of annoyance. although he has gone through a big tragedy in his point in life...such being a long term relationship ending, he is surprisingly optimistic, and he seems to love his life. subject y is kind of an average joe. he works at walmart, he's an auto major, he had a high school basketball career that he did not keep up with in college. he's depressed, or can be at times. he worries about his future, he worries about what others think. i can relate most to this. subject z is peculiar. he was kicked out of another building due to a rumor that he threatened to kill, however he does not project himself in such manner. he may be a bit more hostile towards women in the way of teasing, but no way do i see true hostility in his nature. subject x is obsessed with lust, subject y is obsessed with pride and subject z is obsessed with sloth.
those are 3 key things that i notice. sub x will always ask "who is she, u gonna hit that?" which can be annoying when i'm talking to my sister. sub y will always fail to ask for help until he has stumbled pretty far down the hole he's dug, and sub z will always put diligence aside. i have *unfortunately* learned from all these folks.
not because i hate them, or anything. but merely because i'm around them. i am their friend. i mainly mention these three because they are what i can relate to most. a hormonal young adult that strives on joy...my freshman year. a slightly more realist that worries too much...sophomore year, and a man engulfed in the loss of will to work, my junior year. this is my supposedly senior year, and i have nothing to take from myself, and thus i take from those who are most similar to my past. it's kinda like a scrooge thing haha except all 3 spirits are of the past, and...they're not spirits. and they're not teaching me, i'm choosing to take from them what i consider lessons.
however it's interesting that subject x and z have a distaste for each other, this can explain my own hatred for myself that i've developed...or rather let go rampant and out of control.
i'm the old one here, but that doesn't mean i should be the one to teach everyone, but also i should not be the one to be falling to everyone and begging to help me up. there should be a happy medium. some point where i can be a leading example and a humble friend.
but i'm not.
i'll go ahead and end this here. although i've summed up a years worth of blogging into one blog, hopefully i'll be back much sooner so that i may be able to write shorter, more frequent ones.
until next time. | 